I know it been a long time since the last time I wrote this but so much things happen between the years and they aren't going very well. Although I am middle of working at White Rock, I really want to share my bad mood. Well, let's just say being old isn't a good thing as every elders said.
Between the year that I was about to graduate from SFU and till the present, things happen so few and I struggled alot. I am still depressing and am trying hard to be keep my spirt up and running. And yes, my family and girlfriend are very helpful, but I am a stubber person that only myself can solve my own problems and they take a long time to process.
I guess that I should make things clear before I just spill random things out. This blog is for my future self to look at. And I still don't think the people that I share to are still having the web link. I hope you can forgive my dismiss and show some kind of signs that you still look at this blog. I would be very happy that you support me.
Before I graduated from SFU, I struggled how to tackle the career field. And I am lost. So lost that I am depressing from failing elective courses and don't know what to do in my future. I regret everything I missed the chance to get into CO-OP program. This is one thing I suffered for a long time. Then I graduated without feeling happy and knowing the worst nightmare is just starting.
Things turning a little when Candy moved in my house. I know it is the worst idea and the worst move I ever made when I asked her out. I didn't regret that she is my girlfriend. I do care about her struggling in school and her dad's keeps giving her pressure. She has a very good personality and her mind is very clear. I do thank her dad to teach her to be this thoughtful and tought. She reminds me everyday and really do care about me. She fulfills my loneliness and warm my soul.
We tried to hide our relationship from everyone. Where we live and our status. White lies and half white lies just almost everywhere. Although in the end, people did find out, our families are the hardest to deal with. Her dad and mom weren't very happy that we know each in this way. My mom and sister dislike the idea very much. I chose my hardest path. As long as I stand up for myself and Candy. I have a clear mind and an ideal future. I would know what I am doing. Of course parents' job is to worry about out future, and who we are dealing with. This isn't a game if we planning to marry each other. Parents always say don't be foolish. You can alway have many bf/gf, so you get experience. But what's the point if you already find your true partner? I am not saying I found her, but the first always need more time to teach each other how to have a stable relationship. The key would be having each other's back and grow up together. Then we will see if our personality do match or not.
However, things just happen fast that I wasn't pay any attention. My .. I guess I just call my high school friend Jacob. For years, Able Jacob Isaac Holden Wilson and me were always hang around in high school. After Holden moved to Surrey. Wilson moved to Burnaby. Life is changing. I still met Wilson in SFU and we were in the same program. Holden is also in SFU but he is in business department. We say hi and talked a little in SFU. Abel is in SFU in engineering and just finished co-op recently. Well, keep short, Jacob went to AI and capanlino for web design. Anyways, I am off track.
After I dated Candy, we couple found out weird things happen between Jacob and Lilian who is Abel's big little sister. Us, Abel, Jacob and me always go out in the middle of night for food and fun. Sometime, Abel would let Lilian and Angelica get on the same ride with us. Of course we understand Able needs to take care of them and not them to be bored. I also want to mention that when I studying in SFU in around 2nd year, Lilian starts to call me often to complain shit load of things about her family and school. I wasn't pay much attention and I do care her as her brother's friend. I want to help people. That is my purr thought. Then things are getting very ignoring. As long as I can remember, she starts to call me at least 2-3 times per week for 2.5 months at least. I knew I couldn't handle her situation. I just asked her to call someone else, and of course that would Jacob. Then for the first time, Isaac and I didn't have time to hang out. Then we asked who did you go for food with, the answer wasn't very very surprising - Lilian. I guess that was the first time that they go out alone. Then more thing get more often. Lilian would ask for favor to go out fresh air/ buy stuff and ask for Jacob ride. I didny brother to ask because I wasn't very interested, and didn't thing the next would happen.
After KTV, Holden, Isaac, candy, me and lilian, Jacob went home. I finally decided to ask Jacob viz LINE chat about are they going out already? The answer is, Derp. And they did before Candy and I called official. He said half year ahead of us. I was mad as hell and deleted all their contact, games, phone and what not. Candy and I had a discussion about everything Lilian said before during our hangout time. Okay, beside Jacob didn't say a thing, Lilian just lie to our faces. Everything she said is a way to find out about others' stuff. Everything else she said about her are mostly lies. The rest is like tofu. I am not very happy about the result and feeling guilty now that I turned Lilian's attention to Jacob. Then although they said Abel is fine about their relationship. I am very wondering and doubt it. Abel just doesn't talk at all or have any chat on LINE. I am worry and I should talk to him.
During my time in Amplus, it was wonderful in the beginning. Eric taught me a lot about design. We even went to same program in SFU. He had 1+ design years experience. I was pretty much jealous and wanted to know how he did those work. David was very generous. He rarely would ask about the things I want to learn. Daniel is quite and thoughtful person. He really knows how to do website. He alone stand up for the company. Linda is .. Just say she doesn't talk much and she married to a Korean guy who still studying on Kwantlen. The more I know Eric and David. I found out David do get lazy and who doesn't?! I found out the company doesn't grow as much over the years but do keep still alive. Pretty much that is good as in Vancouver. I then found out I don't learn as much after 3 months in Amplus. Daniel, Eric and I decided to jump over to SpotHub to see how a startup in Vancouver really grow. I do appreciate Win to give up chance to see how a company grow from nothing to a company with a roof and a small system. Although we stupidly accept to volunteer there for a year. Win's promise just keep changing date. I understand having a startup in Vancouver is very hard, but at least feed employee for something. Learning is part of it but employee does need money to eat and get travel to work. Then we just jump back to Amplus. Through SpotHub, we do know a few more friends in Vancouver who is tough as a rock. A few more months in Amplus, we suffer from low income season. Stayed a long harsh Winter and Spring. Rent2Play show up with the other 4 UBC graduates. I couldn't stay for long and I decided to just get over.
SF
Before I want to end my complains, I want say I do miss V very much. I did check out her fb. I want to see her. I just forgot about Nicole. I'm not turning my attention. I just thought pretty much everything that we hang out. I know you may think that I probably and most likely think too much again but it was very interesting connection. And I also want to confess that I do miss her voice. She is friendly and very helpful girl, as long as I can remember. I also remember that I have that random courage to show her the specific blog that I wrote. And stupid I ruined the time we went out. I was just too depress when we ate sushi. I know V didn't talk much, but I bet that she thinks I'm just sad. I want to change her mind about that. And I want to know her again. But.. but I don't have the courage to call her number again and I don't even know if that would work. I know she doesn't use much FB/MSN. I don't even know if she still live in this crappy Vancouver. I just want to say I miss you very much.
Now I know what's feel like when I getting into a mature adult. Being responsible and living up my life plus a girlfriend are a very harsh lesson to start with. Things like money pressure and career pressure can only build up from time to time. Although both are related closely, I see them in two entities. Purely knowing investment stuff doesn't mean I will make more money ASAP. Understand how to invest myself is the best way to gain money ASAP. From the age of 25, everything counts in year. How many years of experience or how old am I when I start doing such stuff. Reality hurts but I know I have to face it. I knew I was screw a few ago but I decided to use all my resource. I knew I wanna give myself all the impossible harsh lessons because the more hurt, the more I feel I am alive. What's the life on the bottom of society and what's the life on the top and middle. I enjoyed the middle class life back in San Francisco. Money is the only thing that keep lower class keeps life going. Everything that make a little money count. On the encounter, middle class only pays attention to investment. Making money physically isn't the only thing apparently. Invest with 'little money' aka a few thousands is the best way to start and ends with millions. Even through I know how to get started and knowing my goal, everything takes time. Seeing others success making me even more worry and impatient. I wanna run and reach my goal. Having a successful business and knowing how to invest the right element & timing will make me a complete life.